Affairs vs. Swinging: face up to the facts!
by Anne Curvey
Recently I came across an interesting book -- "Sexual Detours" by Dr. Holly Hein. In it she explores infidelity and teaches how to cope with its aftermath. She list some surprising facts about marriage, affairs & divorce:
- 70% of married men and 60% of married women have had affairs. Two out of every three marriages end in divorce.
- Every 10 to 13 seconds someone gets divorced.
- 50% of women and 33% of men remain angry for 10 years after a divorce.
- More than 90% of divorces in long standing marriages involve infidelities some time during the marriage.
- 80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
- Affairs die for the same reason as marriage, lack of intimacy.
Unfaithfulness is the most painful experience that can be inflicted in marriage. According to the Marriage Builder Network, people who have experienced rape, people who have experienced physical abuse, even people who have experienced sexual abuse, consistently report that a spouse's unfaithfulness and infidelity as their worst experience. Having an affair betrays the trust and the love relationship between two people.
I would be willing to bet that there is someone you know that has had an affair at one time or another during a relationship or a marriage -- it might even be you. Actually, Dr. Hein's fact finding wasn't that surprising. We have all heard it before. You can read the same information in a local newspaper or in a magazine. Based on my own life's experiences and the two dozen or so people that I know personally who are divorced or have had affairs -- I would say she's right on the money.
Not many of us will openly admit to having had an affair. Why would we? It's shameful, dishonest, and it looks bad. Those around you will disrespect you if it ever goes public. But it's human nature and every man or woman in a relationship is going to face it at one time or another - it's a statistical fact.
Swinging isn't for everyone but I can tell you this it sure does beat having an affair behind your loved one's back. Not to mention the loss of trust or even your family life if it ever gets out.
Swinging works well for those of us who recognize sex for what it is -- fun. Let's face it people need to have variety in their sexual experiences. Having sex with the same person day in and day out can become monotonous and sometimes boring. It can cause us to look elsewhere for excitement. Oh, you disagree? Maybe you should look at the stats again and think about why you are here on this swinger website reading this article.
The potential of carrying out one's fantasies of sexual variety or sexual fulfillment without the stigma of cheating and sneaking around are among the biggest advantages of being in the swinging lifestyle. When two people who are in a committed relationship or who are married and have their heads together decide to swing - the sky is the limit.
The sexual attitudes of woman are changing with the times. Women are more open than in the past and are more likely to share and explore with their spouses. With the Internet more and more women are catching up to men and are being exposed to sexually explicit material as society now encourages women to be more open-minded.
A sexual experience with other people does not only enhance the sex lives of each spouse --it can bring new experiences to the bedroom too. Excitement increases for both partners as a result of the new sexual experiences with other people.
When women receive positive reinforcement they begin to see themselves as more desirable. Women uniformly reported that they have been able to shed sexual inhibitions that were pounded into their heads growing up. Married couples find that sexual experiences with other people not only enhance their sex lives, but can also increase their ability to communicate with each other. Many couples believe that if a married couple can discuss swinging with each other, they can discuss anything.
Generally, swingers believe that swinging has a positive effect on their marriage or relationship. Because it's always done openly and in front of each other, a very high percentage of both husbands and wives feel that swinging is not a threat to their marriage or to the love between them. I have never heard anyone say that their marriage became worse since they started swinging and the majority fees their marriages have improved.
Sex takes on a different meaning for a wife and her spouse when she engages in oral-genital sex with another person in the presence of her husband. In addition, the idea that sexual exclusivity between married partners symbolizes devotion, trust, security, and where love no longer exists, (with the other partner) nonexclusively comes to symbolize these things. Furthermore, sexual behavior loses its mystery, its secretiveness, and its aspect of "something done in the dark" and takes on more of the character of normal everyday activity.