Stage fright: don't be hard on yourself!
by Anne Curvey
Jennifer and Donny have attended over a dozen swing events in the past. They are a very attractive, fit, educated couple in their early 30's and everyone who meets them likes them. They are very active swingers who are into foursomes, moresomes and group sex. Those who have had the pleasure of playing with them have nicknamed them the energizer bunnies because they are so full of energy.
Jennifer and Donny walked into their favorite swing club. It wasn't too long before they made contact with a cute couple that they had met a few weeks prior. After a few drinks and some pleasant conversation, they broke off into a playroom for some fun. They paired off -- Donny had a sexy lady all to himself. Naked and ready to play she laid back to let Donny indulge her orally. He dove right in head first (no pun intended). After a few minutes she sat up and reached down to return the favor. At that point Donny realized that he wasn't even close to being hard. He didn't understand what was going, but being the cool calm collective type -- he used his quick wit to get into the mood. Knowing that he probably had a slight case of overexcitement -- he slowed down a little. He steadied his breathing, closed his eyes and was able to relax enough to let his sexual anxiety receded. Also, with the help of his vivid imagination, he was rock hard in no time.
Do you ever see those impotence ads in the sports section of major newspapers? They are usually located right next to the ads for hair removal and hair restoration, above the ads for nude female mud wrestlers. You notice that most the men in the ads seem to be older? Contrary to what these ads imply, erectile problems happen to most men from time to time, especially in a swinger situation. It is commonly referred to as "Stage Fright" or "Performance Anxiety" or "Limp Dick." Regardless of what it's called, it can be very embarrassing when it happens.
What happened to Donny was a classic case of performance anxiety. It was possible that he was so excited that his equipment just wouldn't function as in a normal situation - - perfectly understandable. Most guys would never own up to this, but it does happen and it often happens to men in the lifestyle. I would think that about 90% of all male swingers have experienced this at one time or another. Guys get nervous and whether they want to admit it or not, sometimes they may not be able to achieve an erection. The worst thing for them is that it could happen for the first time, any time, at the wrong time. When they really need "Freddy" to stand at attention, he falls asleep.
Believe it or not this is very commonplace on the set of porn movies. Producers have an easy remedy for this when it happens, it's called a "fluffer" (a woman who helps by performing oral stimulation) and if that fails to arouse "Freddy" then they rely on Viagra. I know this to be fact as I have a personal friend who produces porn movies and he told me that a large number of male porn actors use Viagra to ensure performance.
There are many health issues that may cause a man not to get an erection, i.e. stress, prostate problems, poor eating habits, etc. But for swingers, let's address the most common cause - intimidation and/or high anxiety. Although Donny was eager to play, his mind was ahead of his body. What he needed to do was just be himself, go with the flow, and not move to fast. The need to be the best lover he can be can weigh heavy on a man psychologically and can deter his ability to perform and to please his partner.
The important thing to know is that it could happen with any female. Some men feel uncomfortable being in the same room with the husband if she is part of a couple. Some men may also be so homophobic that they don't like the idea of other guys looking at them having sex or being right next to them. For whatever reason, if it does happen, don't panic. Go back to foreplay. Have her try a little oral stimulation or a little massaging. If none of that works maybe not getting an erection is a blessing in disguise. This is where your fingers, mouth, and tongue can come your rescue. Just because you can't reach an orgasm doesn't mean she can't and in the effort to make her cum, you just might get aroused and end up being ready like Freddy!